in other news, there was nothing of substance to hold on to
and here, in this body
I am lost
each breathe escaping my grasping hands
bubbles of a life I once thought was mine.

a sweet and lonely sensation
as the mermaids song sinks right through me
convincing me that science is probably wrong
and I can breathe water if I want to.

I thought I could make them love me
that you could keep my heart safe from myself.

Maybe you mistake me for someone else

In the end there's nothing left to say
that I haven't already said
and the truth is that no body cares
least of all me
about the colour of my eyes
or why I am sad.

Nobody cares, least of all me,
How I don't believe I can have what I want;
and maybe I don't even deserve it.

Why does it matter why?
I grow impatient with my own questions
and tears of self indulgent pity
Because I am tired,
and I would rather speak with the beat of my heart
than whisper with my fingers
tracing my minds circles through space.

Photo

fettering fleeting thoughts

I'm sorry that I take all this time,

I hide it under my bed

while I dream up

what I can tell you;

how words might fit
(like a captured photo)

to these things that rush right through me.

and so I lay careful traps in my own mind

where I wait,

hoping to catch my own drift.

to make it worth our while

to think at all.

The one of Us

bumping into myself in all the wrong places

and I'm sitting here staring into the faceless glow of our quiet communion

muttering to myself and I search for the meanings I want you have

so that maybe you can help me feel this

wrong just right

just a strange bird scratching in the sand

my awkward song

of hungry sighs

and hopeless loads of Love

Amoral Prude

Oxyfuckingmoron

still both too late and too early

but the fact that I flinch is more reflex than choice.

I understand what I want to hear

and want it to mean everything

to everybody

but mostly I just want you 

all of you absofuckinglutely.

I want to speak clearly once if only to myself here

how this feels

Hashing over questions I doubt I'll ever have the nerve to ask

like wondering, since I am already old

how in hell I'm going to ever grow up.