I was already dead when I lay down on it
although maybe that started from the moment I drew my first breath and let it go.

You have to be cruel to be kind they said
I thought I should cry forever
but it made them angry and it only made the sadness more.

I took it deeper inside me than they could see
and here it sings sweet and beautiful and strong
yet trapped
so when I turn away
it's my own heart that I want to break not yours
I want to know how to set love free.

un-here

small moments 

watching

waiting

time inching

slowly across my face

weighing on my mind

dragging my own thoughts

deeper than my tongue can reach.

Raw and hungry

needing to want more

no place like home

a broken home

you can never go back too

a gaping hole

un-holy truths trapped unheard 

tied up with words I could never really mean

Here is where you touch me

and turn my head with whispers 

torn of my own heart

I listen spellbound

as you speak

pieces of my mind, like I give you

like this

I turn away because I can not face myself. 

So this is how it is
we talk like this
haltingly, hauntingly
echoing ideas
halfheartedly
trying
not to complete
the thought i didn't have
and wont
because it is too beautiful
it will blow your mind
into littler pieces
than this.