Saturday, December 8, 2012

are you?


something more
yet incomplete
the words worlds whirl all around
their letters trip and meaning rip new wholes 
in places I forgot to read
sentences that are not battle fields
The sense I can not afford to make nor lose
there is no space for full stops here

It's all me myself and you.

Thursday, November 29, 2012

I was already dead when I lay down on it
although maybe that started from the moment I drew my first breath and let it go.

You have to be cruel to be kind they said
I thought I should cry forever
but it made them angry and it only made the sadness more.

I took it deeper inside me than they could see
and here it sings sweet and beautiful and strong
yet trapped
so when I turn away
it's my own heart that I want to break not yours
I want to know how to set love free.

Sunday, November 25, 2012


small moments 
time inching
slowly across my face
weighing on my mind
dragging my own thoughts
deeper than my tongue can reach.

Raw and hungry
needing to want more
no place like home
a broken home
you can never go back too
a gaping hole
un-holy truths trapped unheard 
tied up with words I could never really mean

Here is where you touch me
and turn my head with whispers 
torn of my own heart
I listen spellbound
as you speak
pieces of my mind, like I give you
like this
I turn away because I can not face myself. 

Tuesday, November 13, 2012

So this is how it is
we talk like this
haltingly, hauntingly
echoing ideas
not to complete
the thought i didn't have
and wont
because it is too beautiful
it will blow your mind
into littler pieces
than this.

Tuesday, October 30, 2012

in other news, there was nothing of substance to hold on to
and here, in this body
I am lost
each breathe escaping my grasping hands
bubbles of a life I once thought was mine.

a sweet and lonely sensation
as the mermaids song sinks right through me
convincing me that science is probably wrong
and I can breathe water if I want to.

I thought I could make them love me
that you could keep my heart safe from myself.

Thursday, October 25, 2012

Maybe you mistake me for someone else

In the end there's nothing left to say
that I haven't already said
and the truth is that no body cares
least of all me
about the colour of my eyes
or why I am sad.

Nobody cares, least of all me,
How I don't believe I can have what I want;
and maybe I don't even deserve it.

Why does it matter why?
I grow impatient with my own questions
and tears of self indulgent pity
Because I am tired,
and I would rather speak with the beat of my heart
than whisper with my fingers
tracing my minds circles through space.

Sunday, October 21, 2012

fettering fleeting thoughts

I'm sorry that I take all this time,
I hide it under my bed
while I dream up
what I can tell you;
how words might fit
(like a captured photo)
to these things that rush right through me.
and so I lay careful traps in my own mind
where I wait,
hoping to catch my own drift.
to make it worth our while
to think at all.

Wednesday, October 17, 2012

The one of Us

bumping into myself in all the wrong places
and I'm sitting here staring into the faceless glow of our quiet communion
muttering to myself and I search for the meanings I want you have
so that maybe you can help me feel this
wrong just right
just a strange bird scratching in the sand
my awkward song
of hungry sighs
and hopeless loads of Love

Thursday, October 11, 2012

Amoral Prude

still both too late and too early
but the fact that I flinch is more reflex than choice.
I understand what I want to hear
and want it to mean everything
to everybody
but mostly I just want you 
all of you absofuckinglutely.
I want to speak clearly once if only to myself here
how this feels
Hashing over questions I doubt I'll ever have the nerve to ask
like wondering, since I am already old
how in hell I'm going to ever grow up.

Thursday, September 27, 2012

all the better to see you with

Even in the mirror I Can not be sure
which is mine,  who is me?
This face they accuse me with stares back
trapped in glass, cold to my touch
synchronised sinking
listening close to every word you never told me
in the middle of the night
leaking lost thoughts
wanting always this falling
into deeper dreams of you

Tuesday, September 25, 2012

a meeting in a passage

time holds out her hands 
touching me
all over nowhere
proving nothing
thrusting with life
unready and willing
whiling away souls already spent
taking each breath away. 

Sunday, September 9, 2012

break my own back

my hands reach down
pressing hard into the earth my feet forgot
re-assesing both up and down
as my heart swells with the lightness of empty space
until I'm not so sure about holding it all together
how I worked so hard to make it hard
and now I want that softness back. 

Saturday, September 1, 2012

The truth is

the truth is a whore
but theres nothing wrong with that
only your own hatred
for yourself
for the small price
of wanting
more than you think you deserve.

Wednesday, August 29, 2012

as I lay on the earth

The blue blue sky spread like open blanket all about
snuggling the curve of my hip against the grassy mounds
with my eyes closed and my ears open the whole world gathers closer than my own empty skin
holding me here in the soft gooey centre of everything
as the birds sing and the wind caresses me right over the edge of this mortal dream.

Saturday, August 25, 2012

I wanted to tell you

so long the words sit heavy unsettled
under my heart beat
 a music
I know
And as you can see
I can hardly put two words together
and as for sentences
I never understood
why they always have to end
leaving such finality
in their wake.

Sunday, July 29, 2012

a beautiful death

Don't tell me how a poem is
with your spelling all correct 
and syntax in context 
all lined up (ducks in a row) in deep and meaningful order.

Here the tides are always turning
this way and that, sleepless
as the earth falls from my shoulders,
feathers twisted, into open space.

too many descriptive words
and superlatives
weighing down
how I feel
 about breathing underwater.

I come to your funeral
crying out to death
come out, come out,
embrace me
I am only and always absolutely for you.

Tuesday, July 24, 2012

because we all must die

Perfections toll eating acid like my empty shell of a heart
a heart still echoing the beat of one hand clapping
clapping for you for everything you've ever done
laying me out, next to you
under the earth
to a death worthy of this only Life.

We were dancing to everything
relentless as the waves that break and burn as the world turns
wearing me out, falling me down
tearing love itself apart.

Legacy of time leaning out to hold us,
these growing years
ticking down to this old moment
rolling over my naked soul
all I ever am
most finally okay with me.

Saturday, July 14, 2012

the curve of remembering

And when I opened my eyes they were all right there again
staring as if it were my own wake at which I have awoken
(and maybe it is)
and yet the loneliness remains
no longer a ravenous beast who would devour me
just a boy who has lost his father
a shadow with good reason not to trust the light
in this storey wrote beyond it's happy ever after
until everything I'm wanting to forget forgo's me
And I want all of it right back, like life wants you. 

Tuesday, June 26, 2012

God Crush

how easily I turned with the world dancing under my stumbling feet
like a skittish horse, believing in my own myth
but never really knowing what I wanted to begin with.

Hungry for the weight of reasons I could never bear,
to hold me in the way of what God never would.
to know how good wrong could feel
and be scarred by the light
of what omnipotence really means 

We can start again,
each second another chance for loves heart to beat, 
life deep and sweet 
pressed into this skin 
wearing 7 billion faces
each and every none of them like me

Monday, June 25, 2012


Late the words move to align themselves about me
because even in the silence I never ceased to hear you sing
I still look for you in my dreams you know
when we meet there sometimes, you are the same friend
I guess I never really allowed myself to know.
Now winters coat is losing her feathers, as we don't speak.
And when the loneliness comes I'm glad she's finally here

Saturday, June 9, 2012


The silence reaches out from inside me
turning my head, dropping my eyes from your gaze
where I have already drowned.
and it is still then,
although doubt fills the empty space I once called Love;
Good and right and hopeless as only God can be. 

Friday, June 1, 2012

Please prove a Robot

You will see
times face turning, arms swinging
too tired not to sing
these quiet love songs
words that mean nothing
but everything
I want you too feel
the poetry for yourself
of yourself
everything connected
always all ways
patently paitently incorrect
just like me.

Saturday, May 26, 2012

Love threats

Get it all wrong
Be alright anyway.

Don't tell me love is just another word;
the only reason we have words give voice to this thing that posses us.
And we never will, not all of it, not completely
because if we could it wouldn't be Love. 
Not really. 

Sunday, May 20, 2012

Be What you want

I know what I want
And I have what I want
Because I am what I want.

Wednesday, April 25, 2012

Life's betrayal

breathing sleeping dreaming in
my body breaking 
for all the mess
the sounds and the smells too close to be my own anymore
desire itself
of and for being 
here and there 
and everywhere
as you kiss me 
and my skull caves in.

Wednesday, April 18, 2012

Deaths Ghost

lurching through hallways
The wheels go clunk
and everything
I do wrong
is wrong
an unforgivable unlovable feeling
of my immeasurable sadness
closing her fingers around my heart
sure at last
of the one thing
I never wanted to know.

Tuesday, April 3, 2012

Godless Promise

Let me fall down
and my heart break
so that the world can get all the way inside me.
Let me let go of holding on
and sadness frame this grief
without your name.

And I will love the life of my death
all the way back from eternity to you,
to the time the clocks will never tell
disordered perfectly
as if nothing always happened
just like this.

Tuesday, March 20, 2012

till death himself grows old

And if there was anything I could still say and still mean it 
Heaving heart to grasp a hold of everything I could ever want
If I could pause the world and show you how to feel 
deaths gentle hand fingering through, the things I believed
insistently echoing that first breath again and again
Riding the ravishing tiger of time right through me.

Saturday, March 10, 2012


I want you to listen to my silence
and to intone it into everything you say.
I want to feel your Love
patient and warm, underneath my own skin.
I want the air that you breathed me,
gushing untrammelled down my throat
I want your song pouring silken from my lips
I want you to know how I love you
how it breaks my heart
sweetly and completely
into this
commune - ity
of open soul

photo: nature owns my soul-  Disturbed MaveRick

Monday, March 5, 2012

knowing nothing

You say you understand and you probably even think that it's true,
But you don't, you don't.
You really don't.
And until you know that;
you never will.

Friday, February 24, 2012

Incomplete madness

Let me Be the Sea

sweetly slowly sadly she smiles looking straight through me

and I reach out to touch her but the world turns between us 
 time roars through the hallways, 
carrying whispers of the voice of reasons death
the Birds still sing and the sun still shines anyway.

but the moon drags heavy in the shadow of gravities mistakes
longing for loneliness 
the onlyness 
that marks true love obsolete
dark matter drifting, deep asleep, through intimate space
letting her hair down with shaking hands that know too well how feeling means
as we must know the salt of the earth
then please
let me breathe the sea.


image : Matt Wisniewki

Friday, February 17, 2012

God's Quandary

My heart was heavy
and the rain falls wet
shared to shed the tears that tear my soul to empty shreds.
and I wouldn't care to think it
but yet I am
And so the storm blows over once again.

My heart is too happy
I can not hold this feeling still
it shifts and changes before I know it's form to fill.
whispering if only;
If you love at all
then never let this be enough.

Friday, February 3, 2012

let me be the rain

I was hungry for the sunlight
and to flow with the ocean tide
remembering God's fragile promises
of agile butterfly wings
floating through these wet dreams
of falling.

you reach out with your gaze,
with the light in your eyes,
I felt the fire in your soul.
but when I melt;
if I am water
you can not hold me.
Dripping from your fingers,
you must drink before I fall away.

Monday, January 30, 2012

Crashing into the moon

Crashing into the moon
like I don't care
that we all will die
I care about the heat of the night around me
but not about the fear that rattles my own chest
maybe you saw me crying, 
or was it the ocean was leaking out of my miracle eyes again.
It doesn't matter what I want
it isn't enough. 

Photo by Ulrika Kertere

Saturday, January 28, 2012

The secret I don't know

If I could tell you anything
or just one thing
about everything
in a word
it would be

But it wouldn't be just the word
it would be all meaning
and all feeling
all time
power, awe and grace
it would be Everything and nothing
and then some more

Wednesday, January 25, 2012

Ma Earth

Tonight i make love with gravity
Resting back into the embrace of the land that birthed me
Deep earthly sleep 
Dreaming made solid
Yet eroding all unfounded faith
Crumbled in dirt
And the dust to which we return
Softened with sweat and with tears
Ripened with blood
The warm mud squeals I between our toes
Sometimes life is dirty 
Always under our feet
Stable yet spinning
Lushness of the earth
How will we grow tall but by bowing down to you. 

Friday, January 20, 2012

Going Godly

"For the Love of God
& all wondrous flying things
turning my head
and filling my heart 
With Awe
because when I allow myself 
to feel alone
he presses closer
that I dare to breathe." 

Tuesday, January 17, 2012

blind disbelief

sometimes I can not bear to think about God
 Eternally  alone
both deep within everything while also infinitely elsewhere

And instead I believe
In anything or nothing
So I don't have to look him in the eyes
or fear my soul belongs to something else.