Sunday, July 4, 2010

Sticks and Stones

I thought I knew the difference between wrong and right, but now I'm not sure I know my own name, only what you call me.


  1. youre my ho

    i was thinking the best relationship would be if i was chained in a small room able to get at weight set atoilet and a fridge. and my function was simple and never changed:
    to be a mostly silent, except during sex and nothing but fuck talk grunting screaming etc allowed OR else you take the dremeltool out on me - and put the big cutting wheel on it

    if this was posted to the wrong message board
    please forgive

  2. please takr that in context
    fwiw, ive only been on blogs for about week
    so am still shy.
    i bet you have a hot ass to mtch your tits and face

    id be intoa 5 minute muscle mass building
    pump up to reliv this tension i have from guests being over....

    love you
    psps- i have no history of sex chat so i may suck at it

  3. getting away from ipod
    all kids do is play with itouch while watching tv so we havng a 4th parade outin the back.

    i love reading your poetry. it makes me happy and
    i wish i had more time today be online I hope i havent said anything out of line in here, the poem above maybe didnt deserve a base response i was thinking about fucking you mainly.. no offense taken i hope. ima have put the nail in the coffin,i hope not.

    forever yours



  4. the stongest force for good ive ever seen
    you know that youre doing wonderful things and let me know if your realy bumming out about something or

    if you did dump me &why

    i have my own doubts! and always remember im not a hater and would NEVER hurt you or knowingly try to do something mean to you

  5. ok a break in the action of celebrating stealing the country from the indians or something....

    I am here for like a few minutes due to circumstances beyond my control.
    A. intention
    B. awareness
    C. if you are upset about something I wrote, trust me, if I saw it too as one of many meanings I laughed it off if it was negative.
    Now, I have no idea if youre even down on something but true meanings trump bs so I say fuck it and forget it as I did although it did seem harsh and unfairly brutal and as I said upon further analysis meaningless.
    Now if what i just said made no sense to you PLEASE dont ask me to explain because either way its just an much nonsense and not worth thinking about

    I love you so much and know this, that I would NEVER try to hurt your feelings on purpose that is...
    I am going back to the disgusting fireworks now

    If you are down , dont be, and know im a good guy who loves you and thinks what yourd doing is fantastic.

    I hope things havent got all strange now and you have to leave... that would be a total disaster and give way too much power to the enemy!

    gotta go love you!!

  6. hello again.
    im freaking out now please just say any old thing.. like am i hot cold or warm?
    If ive hurt you so much I want to know if I can be forgiven. I beg you to PLEASE give me a hint about what's going on. Ive memorized a few things and can talk about them clearly. WIll you give me a chance?? As a favor? THis sounds very serious and Ipologize for not understanding this situation... I in fact misinterpreted your post, myself..and not thats not some ironic bs to make this even more ironic! My poems to you are all positive because im in love with you!! I really dont care how many other meanings they can have, i only care about the one I meant for you and that could NEVER be negative in any way. Can I control double meaingings? Im not that good!!
    I hope i am close. What a shame this happpened, but then again maybe its a good thing. I laugh at the unintended and IF before publishing something I was aware of something that could overpower the true meaning I sure woulndt put it out for public consumption let alone to the girl I love.
    OK, so is the smoke clearing for me or am I about be dumped for real? A clue? a hint or something?

    I am so very sorry I am the creator of something that has hurt you

    Is there anything I can say or do to at least start chipping away at the problem?
    if I am the problem... could you just say it to me once so i know for certain?

  7. tell me if this is close;
    I wrote a poem to express taht Id like to be your friend and lover and taht we could talk to each other. The poem had a few different meanings and one was hurtful. I saw the meaing and thought it was sick... I thought how untrue it was and moved on to the intended poem about being able to talke to each other ..another irony. Was I really not supposed to put that out because of what I saw as a sick interpretation when the real meaning was so nice...and no that is not what I meant in the post here about the song changing around. I was just talking about how the first line hanging around during the poem made it mean that being able to talk to people and knowing they love you is worth so very much because you can be more honest.
    I am sorry .. is this forgivable? I maybe should not have put this out or changed it, but im not that smart to know that I really should have done that.
    I stand guilty of being an idiot. I did not and never wil have any bad intentions or secret evil meanings to poems for or about you.
    I can try to be more careful in the future but I get the feeling ive really hurt you and you also think im a liar.
    shit that is bad!!
    Im sorry i hurt you and that technically i didnt lie to you I stand guilty as charged of something like seeing a meaning that I thought was disgusting , laughing it off and moving on bringing it back as its original intention but even better and of being sometihng to express that I'd like to get to know you on an more intimate level and one thing that would help would be knowing that you could love me.

    Wow, taht is pretty fucking strange right there!
    I am guilty, and if you hate me for that forever or whatever that is not cool but what can I do but live with it. Im just kind of unsure if that is logical or not. This is really hurting me badly and i dont like to think of what im going to feel like in the future~~~!!!! Can yougive me another shot at this? am I close to getting this right or is this me sounding insane?
    If i sound angry or something I am sorry. I know you are pissed at me. I dont know what I deserve and I'll leave that up to you.
    I really do love you I feel like put a big hurt on you .
    if i left a poem that had an evil interpretation i am sorry and i didnt think it mattered due to the real meaning.
    If Ive lied im sorry. THat lie whatever it was, was not about the above post and poem though.
    It may have been about when the dark interpretation was first revealed? If so I say again im sorry for not realizing you would read it that way. I guess i thought it i was just seeing it because I was overworking the words. I honestly laughed it off, but do admit to reading it maybe twice in an evil way.
    Im sorry for that poor judgement. I still think the nice version interpretation is a good poem about us talking to each other and even though I reject the dark side poem I of course now hate the poem more than anything ive ever written.
    I ask to be forgive for writting a poem that can have two opposite meanings ( kind of meaning nice or mean) and of lying about when I discovered this (before or after posting)

    I am a stupid moron, what can i say?? I feel horrible for hurting you and hope you can forgive me . I stand guilty as charged, am so very sorry Ive hurt your feelings about what you do even though my intentions were good. In my defense, when I posted that poem, i did not have in my conciousness the idea of the evil poem.

    I ask forgiveness and plead for mercy ( meaing a reply of some kind, if only one)

    As much as ive hurt you, know that my intentions were good and the lie was out of fear thinking back on evil the poem was and remembergin that at the time

    Im so sorry and please forgive me


  8. Hi Robert, no need to apologise.
    I like words that can be interpreted many ways and you are welcome to yours. You might be over thinking this, I'm not offended, but the way your minds eating into this is fascinating indeed.
    I'm glad you enjoy my writing.
    Have a nice day, or whatever it is where you are.

  9. two things I want to be sure you know here.
    I never wrote a single word of any poem with the intention of being mean to you in covert or hidden ways. I am not sick like that! That would be a deranged person really.
    Secondly that even right now i hesitate to return to the meanspirited interpretation and I cant say exactly what it is but I could if I revistied the poem for awhile looking for the evil. I hope that and did not at the time think it could be easily interpreted as meanspirited and when posted, those thoughts were NOWHERE in my mind. This was a long process but I dont know how many hours in total. So, im really begging for understanding here. Do you want me to go back and think about the mean version of me to me? I will if you want me to but I sure dont look forward to it. I really feel like I have done something.
    Would you please post something. I dont think im a degranged pathalogical liar but im beginning to feel like one. I will remove the posts now in my blog and on your site. Someone called it beautiful...i thought so as well and that is how I choose to see it. I know ive hurt you badly. I did not intend to do so. I love you dearly and consider you a best friend. Please forgive me. Im trying to think if at any time after posting me to me whether or not i saw it as the evil poem. I dont think I did until today when i figured out you were upset about something and had to really put on my thinking cap.

    Ill take meto me down now i guess that is the most courteous thing to do at this point. I dont think it was interpreted as meanspirited by anyone but you or me though.

    I know ive hurt you by your not answering so could you please say something? call me a fuckfaced asshole or something but please!
    THIs is a strange thing that happened, can we please talk it over somehow? im not lying about anything and want to talk to you about this!
    could you maybe just ask me something??
    I really really really really really hope this does not end this, not this way on a poem that kind of was at the start of it.
    That would probably historical in some way but that is not they way id like it to read. I rather it say we talked it over. I promise im not a monster and that i never ever ever would intentionally write a mean thing about you! When i have been chatting with you these past few days the majority of the time i didnt even think of misspacman and how attracted to her i am.
    I in fact thought of you as a completely different person, a wise older woman ( older than i am and im OLD!) and it was nice. I liked it. I feel sick about his whole thing and ask only that that woman return to me at least one last time. I can talk to her about anytihng and she will talk to me about it, even if shes mad at me and hates me although i find it hard to believe she would hate me for what ive done so much so that shed never talk to me again.
    When even she gives up on you are indeed sorry ...please say something to me.


    I love you and beg for your forgiveness.

  10. thanks for answering me.

    someone posted that this was a beautiful poem on my blog. I know it was intended as such and was about falling in love .
    It is sad that it has done such damage. I feel it, but I dont feel it destructive enough to end the relationship because I never wrote such an horrible thing. I just briefly saw something evil which disgusted me, but it did not dominate the spirit of the thing.
    You once said you loved me. I am still that person. I beg you to forget this. I did. It is a lie and its a stupid meaning full of lies and hate. I know you say you are not offended, but you used to love me. Objectively analyzing those two things one would conclude you are upset with me for creating a poem that can be interpreted as meanspirited, while its actual intention was only to say taht its easier to talk to someone when they know they could love you.
    I know you could love me becuase you said you did a few times. It is easier to talk to you knowing you loved me, but it proves that its really about the heart and how it feels. You feel that I hurt you. I did hurt you but I never wanted to hurt you, so know I have lost the love of my life, and I feel that you dont even like me and perhaps hate me.
    Now i am being hurt to. I think this is really sad.
    This is my question to the old wise woman I love so very much... Is it possible that we can somehow slowly repair this damage? Maybe before this happened it was too good. Im trying to find some reason we can find that allows both this event to occur , and your love for me to return.
    Was it ever real? Is that a fair question to be answered?

  11. I think we should leave metome up, and I think we are strong enough to get over this together.
    If you would like to end this for another reason, perhaps I will understand more and feel less hurt myself. Its best to end things where both people feel a comprehensive understanding of what is really happening, and why.
    Do you care that I love you? If you look at any confusing poem long enough you will see at least 3 meanings. It just happened to be that this was a rare whopper or a bitch and that is all!

  12. i looked quickly over my blog and removed anything that could be interpreted as making fun or whatever... that was every post almost

    I really hope this was about something else!
    That was a pretty bad picture I put up.
    The about seeqman was not poking fun at you but if you wanted to see it that way it could be interpreted like that.

    I want you to know something here. If this is really about these interpretations and my not understanding that you could see them as making fun or belittling you I think we can work that out. I know it may sound crazy but if you actually did love me, i want to know that. This could be some giant hideous misunderstanding that could be analyzed and laughed at someday.
    I am STILL HOPING. I still have not given up although i admit something is different.
    What I have to know is this:
    Have your feelings been hurt and that is why were ending this relationship or is that about my picture, my age and some of the things I wrote perhaps that were a little odd under my mrspaceman post.
    Remember also I am new to blogging. What a horrible lesson to learn about posting etc!
    Im serious, lets me honest here and maybe we can get something back just a little bit at a time perhaps. I know this: it does not feel right to just turn tail and leave yet. That is a good sign. I also know that
    A. youve been horribly hurt by some things Ive written even though not intended during the writing or
    B. you fell out of love with me as you realized i wasnt right for youfor reason x,y,or z.
    Im sure those stange sex posts today didnt help matters! Please come back! IF and i mean ONLY if the reason you dumped me is the poems and blog! That is just not right! but I see how it could build as an interpretation of being mocked or something. DUDE!> ITS ME< NOT SATAN!!!!!!!!!

  13. Let's be friends
    even as it ends
    as the sun shines through short winters
    through waters of oceans all run dry
    till rainbows become too shy

    Do you have it in you to think about this from my perspective? Besides those few minutes after working on a poem for hours, i saw a meanspirited interpretation I rejected as a stupid ironic lie. Never have I ever had any other thought except that I dont know how you do it, the incredible writing every day and running all the sites. I also talked to you a few brief times and you seemed happy and i know i was.

    LEt me tell what I thought might be happening in the first couple days after I figured something might be going on. I thought that more likely this was misspacman pwneing of a stalker.
    Yes, now that wasnt true was it?????? I fucking hope not becuase im enough of a loser as it is bro!! But i DID think that seriously.

  14. I suppose mrspaceman could be viewed as well as mocking.
    This is looking more and more like this IS what this is about! I need you fucker!!!! I would never mock you! Im the 50 yr old loser, not you lol! ok, if youre still with me here thinking I was mocking you that is FUCKED UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    I know it does look like that if you want it to.

    Im calling back my indian lover/teacher!!

    PLEASE DO NOT FUCKING DESERT ME! Seriously i know you know your shit!! and yore one WISE ASS BITCH!~~~~~~~~ please smile now then return to hating me ...ok i call on ( serious now)

    ERICA .... I LOVE ERICA more than misspacman08 and more than the indian sage!!!!
    I LOVE YOU GIRL! that has to mean something?
    Now, would you please tell me whether or not you ever loved me? I would just think that would be kind of cool of you . I also want to get a smile on your gorgeous face and see you happy by dawn! or at least not you were when you answered me. That was COLD BURRRRRRRRRRRRR....
    I told you once i am not a hater ... trust me on that. I also know that I think some shit sometimes that isnt so but seems pretty damn likely and i also know there are indeed some fucked up people out there. Im not one of them
    I love you

  15. This is a fairly deep hole to climb out of, i feel that and i should have recognized it sooner. Today was a disaster and i could hardly ever find time to get online with a 4th party ( small with kids but sill booze and weed thank jesus) THe kids (3)were going wild before they were all kicked out of here earlier as they sometimes do and I said of goofy hour is over in 4321... and at that time they all did a real wierd spaz dance. These kids are good! I thought it was interesting at the time. I am REALLY sorry I didnt recognize this sooner. Again I ask please tell me if you ever really did love me...
    Id like to know that much

  16. May I ask a favor of you? May we talk a little bit here. I want to turn your hate back to love again. You dont trust me anymore and you think im kind of a trickster who fucks with peoples heads! YIKES!! that is not right, i know it looks bad if you want to push the puzzle pieces but they dont really fit and if you try hard youll see that! I dont want to go down this way!!! I know it looks bad but can you please BELIEVE!!! You once posted to me never doubt... and a heart..

    Im crying right now my dearest friend, and maybe I shouldnt say that because you also think im a liar of sorts besides a mocker of you.
    These are real emotions and i still love you.
    I do realize you are not yet convinced im innocent. I AM.but I understand Ive been there. I told you i had a million conspiracy theories about you likeing me and even after you loving my ( or so you said) I believe you and I trust you. I now call on your better angel to PLEASE trust me and BELIEVE me as you told me to never doubt... Never doubt that i love you and that means that I LOVE you and want to comfort you and be your shoulder to lean on. The mocking thing is sick and i would hope you thought of me as the person who defended you and comforted you against such things.
    Im not doing a great job here i know. Please help BEGGING YOU as a friend. Give me something to hang onto and my GOD TRUST ME! I really understand about this shit as I am very paranoid, and im NOT saying you are. I just was not thinking about how things could be looked at enough. Right now to be honest, i willtell you it looks like a slight mocking if you want it to.
    But you are a smart person and can see through the BS. THis is one of those rare cases where shit just happened to look worse than it was.
    THs sad part is just the opposite is true.
    I was on cloud 9 thinkin you even knew I existed and to go like this is just horrible! Please say something to me about this PLEASE TRUST ME AND PLEASE KNOW I LOVE YOU
    never doubt...Jesus that could be viewed as a mock if you wanted to ! Can you not see this? Please try to see. Do you think I want to love someone and mock them too??? does that even make ANY sense? Unconsciously and conciously innocent flattery based perhaps there was some immiation due to being so in love with you. My God , that is not mocking!!!!!!!!!!!!! just the opposite!!
    but you could SEE it as mocking couldnt you...indeed you did.
    That is not mocking, that is me not seeing that it could be mistakenly interpreted AS mocking and being so in love with everything about you that I wanted to be in a sense like you. Gee whiz, they do that all the time to sell shit!
    Mrspaceman... shall we decode this ?
    That is what I thought your name was. Misspaceman08. I didnt know but I wanted you, but for me to persue someone like that online is totally not going to happen. It was magical. THe poetry, someting i like but didnt do anymore was just instantly recognized as so very great that the attraction continued. Then I find you are also a force for good and viola, im kind of immitation you. The name mrspaceman is indeed related to your name out of A. I thought you were misspacema08 for quite sometime and when I chose a name i thought to myslef if was funny I didnt get that it said PACMAN so i said Im farily spaced out and so chose mrspaceman.
    My lord, how is that mocking??
    Do you get that Im in love with you? thats a precious thing my friend. I know that people who are together and they sure dont love each other!I think it more rare than we think! Can I ask for a hell yeah or even a "true" said softly?
    Even if it isnt true I dont give a shit becuase my love for you is. I HATE seeing you down and this is really serious!
    I havent found a way back quite yet. Could you throw me a green lifesaver with a piece of dental floss tied to it? I need some help here!!

  17. now you see that poem is not about ending a friendship, but about being friends till the earth is barren and dead.

    You ask 30 people what that shits about I bet they say the ending of a relationship and being friends. Its not lol but thats besides thepoint. Im trying to think of some of the other consipiracy theories about us I had... There were a few but I didnt hold onto them.As I said earlier the one that almost got me to leave was thinking you were playing a joke on me but GUESS WHAT?? I KNEW you would never do that to me!
    I knew it deep in my heart and it saved me.
    Is it possible you could do the same?
    I wish you would say something love. I am so sad right now and i cant belive this happened. I feel horrible that , again, I misinterpreted your post as saying talk dirty to me. and that is NOT some kind of trick my saying that! My lord tahts what they call THE TRUTH.
    Can you see how evil this shit is yet??
    I have a faith in you my dearest love, I know youve been through the ringer on this me.... believe in me... KNOW that i am here as a friend to comfort you and love you always, to share with and fuck isnt this a learning experience? it is forme! I dont want something so nice to end when it should really be just beginning. Can you please say something back my dearest friend? Have I made anything any clearerfor you?do you have any questions for me?

  18. i belive you will see this was nothing at all...hopefully ...eventually

    but i understand the damage and hurt you have suffered is real

    i think together we can win provided you are not lying to me

    i realize now the truth is my friend. i find it very hard to accept that you are using this as a cover to dump me. However that is JUST as logical and MORE probable given (trust me) given an exhaustive investigation of what breaks peopleup ( lying to me about why intentioally mocking you or trying tohurt you)
    I would understand that and part dear friends you told me the TRUTH see my love that that is what this ia about ...and indeed the truth by all rights should and i think will win out in the end.

    i will not even re read these posts ...i already know th truth here..and i am quite awareof the evil as well.

    My advice is thus: instead of searching for lies,search for the truth

    i love you ..i never mocked you,not once.
    I do not belive you would lie to me about why you are breaking this off and use this a cover

    ima bit surprised you think what you did buti understand ( i think) why

    pleasesay something to me. Ido not like thing to end in a lie by either party

  19. I am sorry you have been hurt
    I hope you see the light of truth
    If this was NOT about me being a mocker liar and just a way toget rid of me then you will have to deal with that. imho that is just as rediculous as me mocking you however,its also
    cuts just as deep

    arent we smartand mature enough to sort this out so we both feel better? ( now and in the future)

    all i know is that
    A. truth is on my side with me forever and that i still love youand always will even ifyou did use this ruse as acover to get rid of me. it works both ways

    i trust you and love you and respect you.
    i know i never mocked you
    i hope and rely on your intelligence to go over all this and i have faith in your ability to uncover fromthe darkness the shining

    forever your lover soul mate and best friend


  20. that should read "shining truth"

    please dont interpret that as anything
    besides an omitted word

  21. Robert, I'm not sure of most of what your talking about. But one thing is clear, it's not about me.
    I hope it helps putting it all out there. I'm sorry I don't have the time/patience to read through most of it.
    Theres only so much one can say with words in cyberspace, but I suggest maybe you try to find someone who you can talk it over with.

  22. consider it a free poetry lesson.

  23. OMG , Im sorry about this. Of course it had nothing to do with you except that the post you made I clearly misinterpreted as being by someone else .
    The last line above shows my anger and frustration. Im sure that if you read any of this you think im a loser. I may be but I dont think this is representative of who I am , just a weird part
    set loose on an a comment rampage last summer while ging through a rough patch . Its never happened before or after that im aware of but maybe an echo somewhere else of this in a few posts somewhere arounf the same lost weekend.
    Whatever, im sorry for putting this junk here, but the only good i can find in it is that i was drawn in by your post, which apart from my crazy reaction I still love and because of that night or however long it was I found a great blog and a nice blogger.

    I dont know how you feel about me or my blog but I doubt these comments helped so if you delete them all including this one it may make me feel better.If for some reason you want them to stay up i guess that is ok too. Thanks for listening.

  24. definitely secret code for sure

    such a shame ive lost the key to decode it
    oh well... !!!

  25. im making my annnual post here today. if you see it helloo...I like the new background. I looked up sankrit for yoga when i saw your new background and it appears to be what that says.

  26. Hi Rivercat, the symbol is Sanskrit for Aum. Or Often spelled Om.
    On forms when people ask if I am a mr/mrs/ms I always want to put other and Aum instead, but it is pretty crazy so I haven't yet. :)