infinite funk

heart yawning bigger than the God Damn sun
dramatically dreaming that I didn't deserve
heaven on a stick
revolving around and about me
sticking in between the spaces in between the spaces
of all of this
thats why it makes such perfect sense
To dance.

Faith

How can I get where I'm going when I'm not sure if it even exists?
     I keep walking, but the earth turns against the momentum of gravity.
Saying this is real,
                           and watch your step girl.

   I lost sight of the horizon a long time ago now
     And the scenery waltzes by so slow and sweet it breaks all my feelings into more than I can chew.
        

This isn't poetry, this is a mess.
        falling down and about cause I've got nothing left to stand by.
  What good is your map when I don't want to know which way is up?
  

The Master Plan

Can you Forgive God for making me so stupid that I could believe he got this all wrong?

Stuck suxs

The love that I feel inside, I don't really know how to let it out.

Answering to nothing

As soon as I try to say what I feel the words wont keep up with the heart that thumps.
Broken for you to remember me always, incomplete.
 The cross references crucify my own drifting mind.
Where theres too many voices to hear myself think straight.
So here we go again, yet here we are.

drunk Dialling

I can still smell your aftershave

and I want to hate you
but I don't
so I just cry
because I want to believe you could love me
but I don't
so why should you?

Everything counts

the taste of loneliness  coats my tongue with wax

and these words roll

like water of a ducks back.

 the space under my fingernails filling with grit again

The stains on the carpet spread

not like her legs, no legs at all,

because  you can't stand to look at me now.

I wait inside for the tears that don't come

counting everything

 I tried, I keep on trying ,

And nothing keeps on changing

And nothing stays the same

but the taste of aloneness thats sweeter than you know.

if it doesn't matter make it

And in that moment I knew more than I could ever explain.

How the world no longer turned underneath us 

it turned into us, 

 and It turned me on.

Each atom reeling in this dance of light

through all my dreams, and inbetween the spaces in my soul

matted with meaning,  more than truth could bear to tell.

It felt so big that even Love itself might hurt,

 and God singing from inside me

how even If I could fail, 

even that was how we might succeed. 

Until sweet heavens sweat falling around us

soaks through all my senses 

turning tricks again

to make this more real

where what I want matters

 Not just to be happy, 

I said, 

 "I want it all".

The difference between us

I feel you, clutching at the air inbetween us,

and I wish I could be there for you to hold me.

But if I was out there, I couldn't be here inside your own heart now could I?

introspectively out there

I'm sorry I could never really see you past my own face.

The way I feel right now, 

as if it wasn't my heart,

 it was the world that was breaking.

And my own soul feels like you, 

calls out through this mess of me I'm swimming in.

Pulling me deeper under my own skin, 

To this sweet insubstantial place inside of everything.

Photo by Kirsty Mitchell

dreams are real

yesterday when I lay down, I was running away, like I always do, and yet there I was,  falling down, into my own arms, loving it. The need to escape from the need to escape, the circularity of all reason, to bring me back down, because if gravities not here then where then? 

I wrote it across the inside of my forehead and tattooed his name on the back of my hand, so I wouldn't remember what I wanted to forget. Like an elephant, fumbling, feeling my way, through the blindfold, larger than life itself, never quite able to sense the whole thing at once.

And all these other planes of consciousness catching my drift, and the miracles that didn't happen to me,  impossibly plausible excuses for living like I am. And all these choices I couldn't face to make, or wake to something other than this constant re-arranging my of molecular structure,  twisting through my DNA, to prove I never cared anyway, or do I?  

Image by Alex Stoddard

deniable plausibility

Heres What I never should say,

what the words won't fit

and the feelings turn to ash,

heres the rush of wanting

and all the things I didn't want that happened anyway;

everything that makes no sense.

From this perspective there is no size at all,

all dots connected in this blurry image of God.

Do you think those night mares pause for the laws of grammar?

steam rolling over the point, to think of something else

Because it always has to be all or nothing,

omni-god-damned-potent

And I tightened my soul like a fist against 

the will I didn't know how to deal

And in this web

I struggle 

knowing it's useless

and beautiful

and I want no choice at all.

another planet

Trust in me, he smiles
shaking my own hand
behind my own back
I haven't been gracious
because I didn't know how
But seeing as gravity has me pinned here
I guess i'll admit it's been fun.

I get it

I'm not waiting for anything
anymore
or any less
everything whispers
a constant roar
of worlds turning
of secrets burning
because when destiny called
she used my own voice against me.

inanimate objections

Everything's fine here,
I'm just talking to the wind.
I hear your questions, but the problem is I know all the right answers
aren't always the true ones.
And you wouldn't understand,
because I don't.
how fine that line really is.

I wanted to say more
But this is what happened
I wanted to keep it real,
but it twisted in my own mind
so I no longer recognise my own hand here.
I want to be seen like you do
But not here, not now, not like this.

Don't worry, be happy.

Maybe this end of the world is exactly what we've all been waiting for,
maybe then we can get on to something better.