Monday, April 18, 2011

if it doesn't matter make it

And in that moment I knew more than I could ever explain.

How the world no longer turned underneath us 
it turned into us, 
 and It turned me on.

Each atom reeling in this dance of light
through all my dreams, and inbetween the spaces in my soul
matted with meaning,  more than truth could bear to tell.
It felt so big that even Love itself might hurt,
 and God singing from inside me
how even If I could fail, 
even that was how we might succeed. 

Until sweet heavens sweat falling around us
soaks through all my senses 
turning tricks again
to make this more real
where what I want matters
 Not just to be happy, 
I said, 
 "I want it all".


  1. this inspiring. it gives me some confidence that
    even when things seem kind of dreary, to remember that worrying means persevering and finding and the search for new ways of expressing is about trust and enjoying the struggle or process knowing the joy is really here already so there is nothing to get to, no end at all..,just the center and inner core of gold platinum iron and nickel that sinks to the middle while trying to find what to say :)

  2. I understand this one more and more. How do we know that taht isnt like feeling pain though.
    Is pain really bad? It means someting besides what it is I think. I love your posts!

  3. I hope you enjoyed my analogy!

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  5. hi whatever, that was a test post with just the letter "k" in it. I was just thinking about thinking and projecting into the future that id always feel a certain way, or usually feel a certain way, on top of everything else. Not talking about the one with the universe feeling or that my eyes feel kind of irritated, but maybe two things. not that i need or want to get closer to understanding that feeling, but maybe i just am and that its normal to feel not bad or good but just weird about things. or the second thing i forgot. OK. i remembered. i dont
    what im talking about really but i shouldnt worry about it. the feelings are kind of about being a person, and being someone is strange especially with all the other people, regardless of how they think. im sure a psychiatrist would know what to make of this.
    its like a mild form of exisential anxiety i suppose. I dont really know but its not really bad, i just wonder about it sometimes

  6. Life is strange indeed my friend, and you have more faith in the validity of psychiatry than I do.
    Existential anxiety is a bitch, so hard to pin down and shine the light in the whites of her eyes. A fear of snakes or heights would be much more practical to confront. :)

  7. yes, it may just be the way it is. Between all the different types of thinking about things, death, society etc. In social situations, not knowing what to say is strange sometimes thinking and on the other hand communicating or not, but also just being a being really is strange in itself,
    i dont know what to think about psychiatry. i dont really know that much about it. It reminds me of philosophy in that it reaches the point where it just seems like gibberish to me. I used to wonder if i just mastered calculus maybe id be able to understand complicated things more but now i dont think it even matters. understanding what understanding truly means is confusing enough. thanks for answering :)