Saturday, April 9, 2011

deniable plausibility

Heres What I never should say,
what the words won't fit
and the feelings turn to ash,
heres the rush of wanting
and all the things I didn't want that happened anyway;
everything that makes no sense.
From this perspective there is no size at all,
all dots connected in this blurry image of God.
Do you think those night mares pause for the laws of grammar?
steam rolling over the point, to think of something else
Because it always has to be all or nothing,
And I tightened my soul like a fist against 
the will I didn't know how to deal
And in this web
I struggle 
knowing it's useless
and beautiful
and I want no choice at all.


  1. I believe choice is only an illusion anyway. People just need the concept of choice to encourage them to strive for things more and greater, and in the striving it feels like there is choice. Plus, a lot of people use the idea to feel morally superior to others, thinking because of the choices they made, they are stronger and better than others who didn't make the "good" choices they made.
    Interesting post. Thank you for sharing this.

  2. wanting anything or even nothing seems harder than just liking, so I like wanting under those conditions. I like to think that what I think doesnt dominate my actions. if there's a tendency to to rush out ahead and if then awareness makes me smile, i think everything is going to be ok. If that awareness stalls and becomes more than just liking wanting, into wanting anything, or even nothing i would think, then i feel im in a circlularity. Choices have to to with wanting, what I wonder about is recognizing things to the point choice dissapears and a decision becomes being and everything falls away. I may just be naive and ignorant but I leave open the possibility or imipossiblity of this for myself and also being more freindly to any feelings of discomfort of self I still carry. It's all really interesting to say the least, and maybe I've said more than enough without really saying anything, i dont really know !@ If anyone thinks this is really stupid well maybe Im just kidding aroun but If yuou think this makes sense then Im being serious :)

  3. maybe God decides who believes and who doesn't, maybe we really don't have a choice. :) xo

  4. i never thought of God as ever choosing anything or making a decision, but i will try and understand what youre saying. thnx <3

  5. You think God has no choice also? interesting but not very confidence inspiring. I'm still hoping somebody wrote in a happy ending somewhere here.....

  6. I don't see it like that at all. I understand metaphorically personifying God, and I want to say that I'm not saying Im right about what God is, but my concept with what I am capable of is that of being and as to the choice of creation I dont think there is a choosing by a creator.
    Everything points me deeper into my personal aceeptance of misunderstanding God with the knowledge that I may be incorrect about it. Ive not seen anything or read anything or felt anything to point me away from that. The idea of existence and whether or not God can destroy himself just rings too much of a misunderstanding for it to make sense to me.
    To me, God is not like a person with a brain thinking about being and choosing and trying to understand desire etc. Happy endings, I feel lucky i am happy right now. I may not be really argue my position philosphically in a logical fashion, but im not so sure Id want to be able to. Right now feeling ok living with good and bad and the physiology of emotions is prety interesting enough. Im sorry if i dont make sense or am illogical. Thanks for replying.

  7. ps, that is one grumpy looking sackboy-like looking doll in the picture.! I was kind of wondering if it was a photoshop or a real doll someone made by hand?

  8. ah, I found a video so my guess is that this is a still from an animation and not a real doll.
    OK. I will try another question simply because Im curious. but i will take off the question mark so it isnt official!!but I dont think ill be able to find the answer to this one alone without some uncertainty remaining.
    I was wondering if you paint or draw ...I know that many people use photos from the web and was wondering if you ever used your own artwork (drawing or painting)in posts.

  9. Hi RiverCat.

    Yes I often borrow photos from the net and sometimes forget to reference.
    Some of the photos are mine more in the early days....

    often I google image a phrase or theme from the writing and pick the image I like best.

    I haven't done so much other art recently, other than painting on my yoga mats, but I do like to do it, just a matter of finding time for all the wonderful things I like to do!

  10. I love the painting with the "Everything was never enough" post, and thnx for the google image explanation. That is a good idea!

  11. That painting is one a friend of mine gave me. it is awesome!

  12. that it is. OK, the other piece that i really liked was used in the "more wanting" post - the girl with the cosmos inside her. im guessing that is a painted drawing?

  13. that was the "more everyhing" post in jan.,not
    'more wanting"
    its funny how even when i preview a comment it still can comes out wrong in some way