honestly

It's about sex,

about how it's not about sex.

And how it's all about sex,

                             And wanting

                                       and feeling

more than sex

more than the body

and at the least a conversation

It's not about the letter O

                      or G 

not about getting somewhere

If it's just an itch, it's the kind that scratching only makes worse.

It's about time,

                         taking it, 

            making it, 

And letting Love be this life, right here.

It's about the soul,

                 finding it. 

           baring it, 

being willing to share it,

And if you offer me anything less I can not stomach it.

the only thing left that matters

When all the tears have been shed,
all the hats hung up,
all the games have been won,
all the pieces lost,
all the trains have gone,
and all the flowers have gone to seed,
all the jokes have been got,
and all the words said,
maybe then
maybe you'll know
That I always loved you
More than is possible,
and I always will
no matter what.

Be-Cause I Be-Live

Begin with the body
the one that wears your soul to death
touching the earth
dust to dust

Let the time take you
hold you safely in the arms of change
counting one heart
beating
Breaking open
to be
everything you are.

Let there be space
for life to make you up
growing wild again
against the tide
of all that is born through blood sweat and tears.

The dirt runs deep
dancing under steady feet
turning always into gravity
dizzy with the spell
if you believe
Love is.

Dualities fool

In this state I'm not sure that I count at all,
I'm already pacing half way back across the distance between us.

And back to start again at one, two

one two...

but to turn to see, is to turn to salt,
So everything burns,
To an ash mixed with sugar
smeared across the face of darkness

I know by hand

the price we willingly pay

draged backwards through time

to cover my embarrassment
at how the little you give
means so much to me.

Found Wanting

Let me be wrong tonight

but not about this

The heart holds more than we can know.

And the winds of change tear holes though the houses we thought to build there,

because Love is the sky itself.

Look up and fall

against the very laws of gravity

into that space were you can believe

Be aLive through anything. 

I want you to know, 

how I love you always and every which way

(except possibly how you wanted.)

But that you wanted,

... how we all do,

for everything, yet not right now

not like this;

But please God let me be wrong. 

things I don't know how to say

Do you really want me to let you
make me want to die?

to rip my soul into bite size pieces you can swallow

Just so that you don't have to Love me like you do?

Sometimes your body detracts from something 

deeper and sweeter than skin or bones.

and it's desire distracts from what little we know.

It moves with the mind, and what is lost in translation;

to want what we want, rather than how we think

To want how we are, instead of that it should be 

Perfect as if such a word could pin down the wind

and freeze this moment the one that is too much 

But never enough, it breaks my heart all on it's own

so you see I don't need you,

only because 

I am you

And

I love you more than that.

Dreams of me.

So I was sleeping, dreaming as one does, I was at a party, and who should I bump into there but me.

And I try to pretend, that it isn't me, but it really is. 

It's kind of embarrassing, awkward, annoying and definitely improper to meet myself like this. 

But there I am and I can't seem to get out of my own way. So I figure maybe it's a sign, maybe I've got something I need to tell myself, in person.

Only one way to find out, I corner myself deliberately intently focused, maybe for the first time, watching from an outside point of view.

To discover, I am much more that I ever knew.

 Then I'm falling, for myself this time, in quite an ultimate way.

And the Look of Love in my own eyes, is something I hope to never forget. 

inside out

The days twist through my fingers 

like shreds of something I should remember but don't.

And the lessons that I might have learn't, 

but wont, 

slip from my fragile grasp of reality.

But this time I don't care what it means;

         Don't care to come, 

or move so quick, 

to catch life as she flies wildly by.

I can't explain it, 

but I feel it all from the inside of everything.

        My heart, 

which is your heart now, 

want's it all.

ten percent of nothing

It's the little things that get to me,
and what you don't say that makes me think.

because in the end theres nothing that I wouldn't give you,
and nothing that I can.

Image- nothing will be alright by Brooke Reynolds

the who of us

I wont do what we always do.
I wont let our love be a battleground that kills us both.

I want to come to you with my arms full of gifts and my heart full of love,
So in these times when I feel nothing we must both wait.

I like to hear the sound of your voice softly calling,
but I'm not quite finished drinking this desert yet.

You are Here

There's holes inside that make me who I am, I'm scared that if you get too close, you'll fall right in and disappear there. Like I did.

Image from underwater ballet series by Nadia Moro

Dreams on Light

1.

First there is the time and the space but more than that the need,

("What is your burning desire?"), to be. 

you taught me the pleasures of darkness, to let my eyes close and still see,

Leaning into the stillness I gather the sweet strength from the inside of everything.

Where alone becomes all one -

and when the lights come on I discover you were with me all along.

2.

Somehow I strayed from the path,

 just a small misturn while my mind was somewhere else

I thought I could retrace it but first I wondered where it went.

And I am lost but for now unconcerned, because everywhere is connected somehow right?

3.

The world of flux and change gathers me closer, and further than I thought it could.

and it gets so dark so quick,

 I want to phone you to come get me but I can no longer see my hand.

No longer sure if I exist at all, 

Until I open my eyes and awaken to another dream of light.

-----------------------

Image: What Light dreams by Koh Sang Woo

surely not

I used to be one of those people who could use the word love with certainty- I knew what it was.

That it was good,

 that it was everything, 

that it was all that mattered and all that ever would.

And now I'm not so sure of anything, 

even if for that, 

I should thank or fear you. 

understanding the laws of gravity

If there has to be a time for things to go wrong, why not make it now.

Maybe once we get it out of our system we can settle into the business of happily ever after.

flickr.com/photos/elllesbells

The only thing I bet my life on

Who'd have thought it would take me this long to learn absolutely nothing.

Image by Sarolta Ban

here where nobody knows my name

It doesn't matter about me, I wanted to be invisible, so I could sneak in close and stroke your soul, without you even knowing I'm here.

I wanted you to know I loved you without having the responsibility of carrying your heart because It feels so soft I'm scared I might break it without even trying.

falling star

Maybe instead of wishing I wouldn't fall in Love quite so easily, this time I'll wish it didn't scare me quite so much. Maybe I'll wish this time when I fall your ready to catch me.

Image: Birds by Marica

Absolutely

All that it takes for me to Love you like I do is yours, whatsoever whenever wherever however you are.

Before God even thought to exist, I had no choice but to be this yes I had to say here now for you forever.

The winner of the world

Your salt and sweat speak a new language against my own tongue.

The feelings thick and sweet catch heavy in my heart, 

Coughing up feathers full of birds that don't know how to sing.

The scent of your pleasure overwhelms the stars 

swooning dizzily around my head and about again.

And I fall down, surrender to the world that you deserve to win.

Why not Love the things you hate?

When I look at you my heart squirms,
I'm not sure it's fair,
It's definitely not reasonable,
I have no idea what to do about it,
But this is my life and I've decided I'm going to enjoy it
Even if it kills us both.

The weight of reason

Destiny breathes heavy and sweet down the back of my neck as she rides me, she sings
" Who cares where this road goes baby, believe in me and we'll fly like the wind."

You are what you want

I thought because I couldn't find what I wanted,
that I was wrong for wanting it.
It's taken this long to realise
I was looking in the wrong place all along.

The wish that wished it wouldn't

They told me be careful what you wish for,
 along with graphic warnings what was likely for those who played with fire.
  Now I long only for the gentle burn of desire itself,

As I stand melting in the roaring heat in the heart of your Love. 

And everything I touch returns to Gold.

Image : Elizaveta Porodina

fake it till you make what?

All the things that I always knew aren't always true any more.
My soul falls apart, till theres nothing left to believe.
all these pieces that I'm not even sure why I'd want to put back together if I could.
Yet I pretend because I don't know what else to do.

You know me

They said, I am That; They Said I'm all That,
Yet as nice as it sounds it doesn't feel completely true.
 How can I be all that if I'm this?

Lovers condendrum

 I couldn't save you any more than you couldn't save me.
Desire is not a fire to be quenched, it is the spark of life itself.

incompletely insane

Listening closely to everything we said, and suddenly what we couldn't say was obscenely obvious.

And my soul wanted to scream in a way that my mind couldn't quite keep hold on.

It squeaked out of me even though I kept my mouth fast shut, so I sounded like a kettle on the boil. 

Of course you laughed, and once you did even I could see how funny it was. 

And I laughed too, But the frustration was still there, igniting a madness that was bigger than I was. 

Both inappropriate yet uncontainable, I had no choice. 

The voice of mercy spoke through closed lips a high pitched squeal of absolute absurdity. 

I was out of control switching between insanity and ensuing hilarity. 

And then I was falling, and I was frightened trying to catch myself and it was gone. 

And I don't really remember what happened then, but I think I was angry, maybe I still am.

I didn't know enough to begin to tell you what went down, I'm still not sure but Im trying.

The Cosmic Wow

forget about getting down to earth, I'm sky high

and way out there with the freaken universe.

photo by Susanna Majuri

Because is not a reason

Why ask why? I'm all over understanding, but God do I feel you.

I feel you so strongly I'm beginning doubt my own existence.

Photo by TierneyGearon,

God only knows

I always had a plan, and the plan was always you.

It may not be the best plan, but I'm willing to bet my life that it is.

The myth of intimacy

No matter how or where you touch me,

you'll never come as close as if you stay still and let me feel your soul.

Vanities legacy

Forever couldn't turn away,

her face was everywhere,

and she knew all of it was true enough to entertain us.

She watches from behind the mirror,

touching me inside the deepest Love,

the softest distance,

whispering these words that mean so little too much.

The time travellers confusion

The future and the past in constant motion dance around us,

the implications surround us,

God's imagination draws us out, everywhichway allatonce.

Until even if I could choose I wouldn't know what to want for.

They said that nothing was impossible, but they were wrong

Everything is impossible,

and thats what makes it so damn amazing,

how it is.

I wish I was here

Don't say your sorry, It's not your fault I can feel the space between us more clearly than my own body. It's not your fault that everything is so damn connected.

The pain is your friend

When she comes, she comes from inside you.

Born of flesh and blood,

her touch is fire,

but still she sings straight through your soul,

life for life's sake

until all you feel is the Love.

what-ever

This is not a conversation, not my word against yours. This isn't something you can believe in, nor forget.

This is the truth, this is life, this is now, this is us, this is everything, yet still you want more.

precarious

Looking in your eyes I realised that the wall that separates us is razor thin,

but as difficult as it is to live with, to break it down would tear us both to shreds.

Precious

The hands of Life are large and strong.

his fingers stroke my heart to beat,

Bones and flesh stretching

around and about me

Empty of everything but time.

laying my soul down

quietened in feathered dreams

wrapped around God's little fingers

I breathe like wind to fly

downside up in open sky

Like this.

on growing a spine

The pressure builds from deep inside me,

in the dead of the night it pushes me onwards and into tomorrow.

Hard but not fast, an anchor to this heaving breath and flesh I believe in.

Giving substance to these dreams, structure to my vulnerability,

And A place to hang my head when everything else falls down around me.

never forget

I will wash my own blood from your hands with my tears.

You can take my body by force,

and you can break my heart if you want to,

But my soul is still mine to give and forgive

as it so pleases me.

Your Secret Novel

It's not that I can't read in-between the lines, it's that once I start I loose the original plot in the multidimensional reality of hidden subtext.

once upon a time

I saw Gods right here, walking amongst us, they looked just like you and me.

And then everybody told me, there was only one God, and he was in heaven.

And I believed that they knew and lost my ability to see.

You are the one

The whole world is waiting for you to realise,

your not just one of us,

you are a part of us,

you are the heart of us.

Thats what he said.

I searched everywhere for the right words, But all I could find were these.

I want you to know how I feel, but maybe that's just selfish.

I want it to mean how I am, regardless of what you think.

I want this exactly the way it is, even as it tears my soul in two.

The origins of a species

The rock became the soil, and the soil with the suns light became the plant.

I took the plant inside me and washed it down with some rain from the sea.

All these I used to make bone and flesh and hair, They haunt me as feeling,
as poetry of a body in motion,
and the shadows of thoughts that pass through me.

I live from the heat of the sun and the moon calls my insides out with each tide, orbiting my life each month, day, moment.

The electricity that fires from my brain through my movements

wears lightening as the sky storms around me.
I borrow my nature from all things

and all things I know from my own nature.

The trouble with memory

I can't be honest with you other than to say,
I'm no longer sure that I am a reliable witness.
And if I can't trust my own memory,
what makes you think I'll believe in yours.
Theres things that I feel, all around us now.
This moment we share is all that really connects us.

What is Enlightenment?

If my mind were any more open I might just fall out. :)

Breathe as if your life depends on it

Be patient with your life.
Everybody dies in the end.

dreamable and reasony

I will make up my own language so you will know,
It doesn't mean how you think.

That everything is impossible
and that's what makes it all so beautiful how it is.

What he said

" Just because I Love you, doesn't mean I care what you think. "
So I still wonder what it does mean.

Re-evolution

What if fight or flight weren't the only options?

What if in your struggle to survive, you forgot the beauty of living?

What if survival wasn't the end game?

What if you have to be willing to lose in order to win?

The pacifist at war

I will not fight for neither side,

but I'm willing to die for both if I have to.

The secret the rain told as she fell.

What if "nothing" really IS real?

what if you could tame her and teach her to sing?

The real Kicker

I'm not so afraid of the way you might hurt me,

as I am by the fact that I just might deserve it.

Drowning in Perspective

Once you remove life from it's natural context,

who's to say you'll ever be able to put it back?

You Matter

No matter what, or who, or when, or why, It matters so damn much, it kills me everytime.

Everything was never enough

Just because it doesn't matter anymore, doesn't mean it matters any less.

Bad Maths

Is another day another dollar really worth it?

It's not like you can buy them back if you change your mind.

Think Louder

Some things were never meant for words,

things that can't be explained, must be experienced directly.

You can not know the truth, only feel it.

The patience of Gods

Those who claim to know the end before it's time has come have little imagination for the breadth and depth of eternity.

My heart touched the sky

You say "lonely" as if you were the only one who felt it
But I know
sometimes it's so damn sweet
how were all it this together
it breaks my heart wide open
and the whole world rushes in.

You can only hate the things that you Love

If I'm not supposed to take these things personally,

Well I don't get how I'm supposed to take them at all.

Being inHuman

If were all just the same why does it feel so different?

The silence is your friend

I told myself I feared the emptiness,

to hide the fear I'd never feel the sweet whisper of nothing against my soul again.

Sticks and Stones

I thought I knew the difference between wrong and right, but now I'm not sure I know my own name, only what you call me.

You say you can't go on,
but you do,
day after day.

One day maybe you'll stop, and maybe you'll discover
The world still turns without you having to make it happen.

You call it small talk

Sometimes the words get in the way. Whatever I say, I say it because I want to connect. It might not mean much to you, but I feel so much, sometimes it's hard to say anything at all.

Things got tangled up

When you really think about it, how does crossing your heart and swearing to God ever sound like a good Idea?

I mean you can hope to die if you want to but it's not like it's not gonna happen soon enough on it's own.

How did it come to this?

When did it happen that I let you turn "Love" into a dirty word?
I spit it out to spite you, and it turns all my words to vinegar on my lips.

A new kind of praying

Your soul knows the right moves
as the earth turns
heavy beneath dancing feet
treading lightly, spreading deep
within this fire
beneath the sea
that started this ball rolling
and called it me
inside of us all
the tides call
rising out of your bones
of what you believed
thinking nothing is real
yet how you feel
And God knows your never alone with your fear
the skin that holds you here
sinks in
and life becomes you
now and forever made to go together
Amen.

we are listening

Your thoughts wash over me like a stones in water
Your silence cushioning my fall
what use of feathers in the ocean?
This wetness
slowly wearing my soul away.

The more you think the less you know

You don't have to understand
what Love is,
in order to feel it.

look me in the I

Putting on my brave face
isn't about hiding from you.

It's protection for the skin and bones.

My make up
Is all about fooling myself.

The clock is always dancing

let the time take you,
Hold you safely in the arms of change.

The heart keeps pace
one and....
one and...

nowhere to go

Dear God Please
Let it be enough

loosing the shadow

Begin with the body you have right now
the one that wears your soul
in order to touch this earth
As she breathes you in.

Rocket Science

You walked upon the earth,
but did you feel the breath that drowns you in your own sweet life?

humans are weird

Whats so snug about bugs in Rugs? sounds kinda creepy to me
And whats so soothing about the song how the baby falls from the tree-top cradle?

They told me
"Be the change you want to see in the world",
But I've seen enough change.
Maybe it's time to see the one thing that stays the same.

What is Life?

You think seeing is believing,
but you have to feel it too.
You think you know,
Try not thinking at all.

the lightness of doing

In your light I found the source of darkness,
And in the heart of that darkness,
I found only light.

The Thing Is

The most beautiful thing
was never a thing
it was always you.

The smallest things mean the most.

Don't try so hard.

Feel the life inside you now,
that always was
and always will be
that is all ways right here
and forever enough.

the future is ours

Today I ate a whole box of fortune cookies
But I'm still waiting for something to happen.

how to read the signs

My Life was on fire already when I lay down in it.
Burning everything I touched
ashes to dust
opening my bones to feel
your roaring warmth
growing ever wild
inside my own chest.

It's because I Love you

I don't need to you understand
I just want you to See
how unreal I can truely be.

Let the games Begin

I Sky With My Little Eye
Something Beginning with You

But for

I made my wish
I lay in my bed
in my dancing shoes
I click my heels
and dream
there's no place like home
like the earth under my moving feet,
and nowhere to be
but here.

The silence that screams the most

I'm all done with poetry.
This is the space in between thoughts.
Don't look into my eyes, feel me with your soul.
The best things are never said with words

The quandry of free will

Take a deep breath
take it any which way
anywhere you want;
or let it take you
inside out
opening into space
wider than you can dream.
Let it soften your will
while your bones grow supple and strong
ready to bear
the weight of gravity
whatever comes
and goes
like this moment
held safe by the constant motion
of waves against this foreign shore
everything wet
like the inside of my body
no words to tell
of all I have become.

That sinking feeling

When you reach the bottom You find something deeper than you ever expected.

And there you don't need to hold on to anything

This is my body

You touched me and I'll never feel the same again.

Things that need no words

Every time you smile, I remember how much I love to be us.

Don't Panic

The Art of Breathing
is to trust in the air itself,
not to break us,
or forsake us,
until our dying day.

What can you do?

You say that Everything is not okay;
But if you can't change it then I guess it has to be.

Here's to hoping God has a master plan.

Be your own best friend

Be Happy.

No body knows
how to please you
like you do.

Times Change

The Same time that heals all wounds will one day kill you.